Self-Centered Thinking

I’m thinking about starting to hide notes. I have been thinking about the idea for a few weeks now. Then Dash. C. came on. “This Ruined Puzzle” if anyone is interested.

Does he ever get the girl?

I love this idea of a movie life. And it’s tending to unfold just so for me. I wait and let things happen sometimes. Or go on a whim. And most of the time, it flows together with near-seamlessness.

This apartment is dead to me now. All but empty, even though no one has even moved out yet. I just feel like. Like there are more bridges to cross. More adventures to be had. But what can you do? I guess I just need to accept that knowns are not always a bad thing.

I’ve been considering caving to her again. Giving into everything I’ve been trying to prove to myself I don't need. That I can be strong alone. I can't even explain all the things that might mean. Or would it only mean that I really am just doing what I want for fun.

That seems like one gigantic trap of a statement.

Maybe I’m just nervous to fall into something so comfortable, when I know, I’ve only ever even had sex with one other person.

I don’t want to regret anything in this life. But it’s hard to know ahead of time what you will regret.

“You’re taste still lingers on my lips, like I just place them upon yours and I starve. I starve for you. But this new diet’s liquid. And dulling to the senses. And it is crude. But it will do.”

If this weren’t a blog for pouring out your thoughts, I would call myself self-centered.

Maybe I am.

Am I?

I hope not.

-N