I knew before now, or I felt atleast, that I missed this. But I worried.
I worried what I meant that I had neglected it. I worried (now, this sounds dumb.) what you would think of me. All maybe two of you that read this. I worried about being judged.
"Sleep with all your lights on. You're not so happy. You're not secure."
I'm sorry if you were diligent. And looked back regularly to see what was on my mind. Because I should've been writing.
So now I sit here. Things I've felt now having crept back to my head. Having an undiffusable frown and a weight on my shoulders. And to be... Well, stereotypical. I am listening to Dashboard Confessional on Vinyl.
Maybe sometimes, you need to feel sad. And alone. And without a cause. To remind you of what you really believe in. Be it changing lives in little ways everyday or fighting a war that seems worth waging.
I cleaned my apartment today. I tossed old things and cleaned away dust. In the literal sense. But in the metaphorical one too.
I guess you just can't be something you're not. I'm a lonely boy when I play homebody. And I admire every shameless hipster seeking kin in dingy local brooklyn bars. They atleast know what they are. And who they are.
My co-worker was fired today. He was combative and sensative. He tried hard. But he fought all the battles not worth fighting. I hope he finds his way.
"College nights. Troubled crowds."
I've lost my way. And I hope I can find it back. 3 months ago, I hated where I was, and who. But atleast I was sure.
The site never got up. Its something I don't like to think about.
