Welcome to the New Year

Tomorrow I move into my new apartment. All this time in between made me realize, It's really important to have your own space. I couldn't write. I couldn't be alone. Listen to music just for me.

"I'm not smiling behind this fake veneer."

Sometimes I wonder why I came here.

Sometimes I wonder why I leave my house.

This whole wide world isn't as bad as my pictures I paint. But it's real easy to look out on it with scorn. And not to be mad. Or sad. But just to expect more of it.

"I am often. Interrupted or completely ingored. But most of all, I'm bored."

I see people I've known and lived with for months now, change because a situation does. It's hard to see people not give a shit on a daily basis.

"I'd rather be home feeling violent and lonely."

On bad days I want to cry. I want to scream at them all about... Everything. Why they are wrong. Why the should listen to me. But I don't. And such is status quo.

"I'm not trying to sound so insincere. But the postcard, taped to the freezer says wish you were here. Oh how I wish I could disappear."

Sometimes, on good days, I want to walk out. Buy my ticket out. And you know. Jump.

Would I be happier somewhere else?

I dont know.

Is it just a change of scenery I need?

Maybe.

"I wanna thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marrigolds."

I hope this change with this move. I hope things will be better. I hope. I do.

"This must be it. Welcome to the New Year."