Fire Gazing

So I've been reconnecting. In a way. Also, disconnecting.

Caring less about things that seem trivial. Things I've come to hold important.

And old friends. Well... They're old friends for a reason.

"Don't Analyze me. There's no apparent link between the day he said he'd leave and my..."

So I sat there. Around a fire. And burnt a lot away. Surrounded by people who mean a lot to me. People who know me... Well... Better than I'd like. I sipped a guiness. I soaked in the summer stars and the smell of dry wood ashing.

"...Reoccurring dreams and how I just can't sleep unless I've had a drink... Or five."

So now. Like it or not. I need it again. I'm going back tonight. Sober? Sober. But I need my fix of happiness and peace. Because it's hard to come by here.

So he said to me, "New York City is your life style. But not your persona."

He may be right. I may be a bad fit here. In the long run.

I feel bad for not writing enough this month, even as I enjoy it so. But it's hard to sit down and write. Especially for me if someone is here. Also, I've been moving. I know it sounds like rationalizing and excuses. But, I feel guilty, and It'll change. I promise. Don't give up.

Do you belong where you are?

It's okay to not. It's okay to be wrong.

And it sure seems like I am. But. I. Unlike a lot of them. Am not afraid of change.

- N